Fourth HP Movie
by Revenge4Love
Summary: This just what the fouth Movie should be like. So it's just a parody of the Fourth book.
1. GOD DAMN RIDDLES!

Title: Harry Potter and the whiskey bottle of fire.

Summery: I wrote what the fourth movie should be like. Beware of character switches. No flames please.

Disclaimer: I never owned it, just like I never owned my soul.

Chapter one: GOD DAMN RIDDLES!

*50 years ago*

Setting: in a bar.

Maid: Ding dong, the witch is dead, which old witch the wicked... I mean, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrggghhh, the Riddles are dead.

Bar tender: They've been dead for five days now. Really, I though you were a brunette.

Maid: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrggghhh death! *runs out of bar*

Cook: That asshole, Frank Bicycle.

Others: Bryce you stupid **&#$%&^%*&(%$^#^%&%^*%&%^$%&^$*%&^*&^(*&#$%#@%%$&^*@@%#%&^*&(_**#%&^*(&^!!!

Cook: As I was saying. Crap, I thought he was a bicycle.

Others: You my good sir, you are an idiot!

Cook: As I was saying, he was an asshole and he didn't like us. He called us sadistic!

Others: Lets bash him.

Dot: I'm not sure what he means by us being sadistic *punches person on her left while she talks*.

*police station*

Officer Sadist: Tell me where you hid the treasure matey?

Frank: I don't know about your stupid treasure!

Officer Sadist: *punches Frank* I'm sure you don't!

Frank: You're insane!

Officer Sadist: Am I? MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well, actually I am. You are free to go.

Frank: about time!

Officer Sadist: But you must bring me back the head of the King of Rohan!

Frank: Go $*#^ yourself!

*Shed*

Frank: Pretty light in house, I go see what make light.

*house*

Wormtail is lighting his farts on fire and they are both larfing.

Frank: Who the #*#^ are you, matey? 

Voldemort: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

Frank: well hello, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

Voldemort: Are you mocking me?

Frank: The real question is, are you mocking me?

All three: hmm *sit on the floor and think about it for two days*

Voldemort: I've got it!

Frank: what?

Voldemort: you were mocking me! DIE! *raises wand, but Frank has a heart attack*

Wormtail: Now what do we do?

Both: hmmmm *sit on the floor and think about it for three days*

Voldemort: I've got it!

Wormtail: what?

Voldemort: Lets kill Harry Potter!

Wormtail: well, that's always fun!

*200 miles away*

Harry: *wakes up*, ow my head!


	2. Dude, I've got a scar

Disclaimer: If I didn't own the first chapter, what makes you think I own this one.

Chapter two: Dude, I've got a scar

Harry: What the &%#& happened? 

Little voice in his head called Gollum: You are gunna be killed, filthy little hobbitses!

Harry: Why am I talking to myself?

Gollum: Kill the theives, they took the precious! My precioussssssssss!

Harry: get out! *hits himself in the head with a chair and is knocked out*

Gollum: I'm not knocked out! *rummages in draw and finds porn*. Oh no they didn't steal the precious.

Harry: Ow my head! I just had the weirdest dream.

Gollum: What happened?

Harry: I was dancing in a chicken suit! OH GOD, GOLLUM, IT WAS TERRIBLE!

Gollum: the thought still haunts me *shudders*

Harry: there was also this one dream about Wormtail and Voldemort, but that was pretty boring.

Gollum: you should mail Sirius, on that

Harry: why?

Gollum: Your head hurt, didn't it?

Harry: that because Dudley chased me into a gay bar and I drunk to #(^%ing much!

Gollum: If you don't mail him, I'll burn the precioussss

Harry: I could tell Hermione

Gollum: That bitchy mudblood, she worries too $&#&ing much!

Harry: then I'll tell, my best homie, Ron

Gollum: Are you high or just plain stupid!

Harry: Alright. *turns on computer and emails Sirius at Sirius_is_Padfoot@brokeoutofAzkaban.com.au/)* 

(A/N au/ at the end of an email means that it's in Australia)

Gollum: where the @&$& is your owl, I'm hungry

Harry: you ate my owl, remember?


	3. I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful...

Disclaimer: I don't own it, but it is getting a lot closer to opposite day, though. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! 

Chapter three: I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!

*After emailing the letter Harry* 

Gollum: wait for me!

*and Gollum went down to eat food.*

*Jaws music played as Aunt Petunia hovers around the place*

Petunia: EAT YOU FOOLS EAT! BECOME LARGE WITH FOOD!

Vernon: But this stuff tastes like shit!

Petunia: DUDLEY DON'T TAKE DUMPS ON YOUR FATHERS PLATE!

Dudley: I NEED FOOD!

Harry: Hello

Dudley: GIVE ME FOOD, YOU *$&%*&^%*^%(&%^&%$$T^$%&^%^*$^%$^%$&*&(*&($^$#&^%$&%$&^%&#$E^#

Harry: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *falls on the floor larfing*

Dudley: *shits (not sits) on Harry* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Doorbell: Ring a ding ding. Ding a ring ring. This song is doorbellist! I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS DOORBELLISM!

Harry: *covered in shit!* Sing what you want then!

Doorbell: Yay! Some where over the rainbow...

Petunia: IS ANYONE GOING TO GET THE DOOR! GET THE DOOR YOU STUPID PIGS!

Vernon: I would, but I'm too lazy,

Petunia: Sic him Dudley! 

Dudley: *Starts biting his father*

Harry: *%#^ this, I'll get the door!

Petunia: NO YOU WON'T!

Steve Erwin: *comes through the door* crickey, take a look at this beauty. *jumps Petunia like she's a crocodile*

Vernon: Alright, alright, I'll get the door. Sheeesh, you don't have to yell.

*later*

*Petunia has been taken to Australia zoo, because she's like a crocodile*

*Dudley is dead*

Vernon: So.

Harry: So what? Yes I killed Dudley!

Vernon: no, it's not that. It's this. *pulls out letter* It's a letter from Mrs Weasley.

Harry: Does it say I can go to the world cup?

Vernon: yes. Go, go, you mustn't waste your superhuman strengths here. 

Harry: Can I stay the night here, until the arrive.

Vernon: I suppose so. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Gollum: He stole our precious!


	4. Go home

Disclaimer: I own a copy of the book, and yet I don't own the idea, interesting!

Chapter four: Go home!

*Harry is waiting for the Weasley to come*

Vernon: You did tell them that you're insane.

Harry: Er

*he hadn't though of that*

Harry: I think so

*naturally Uncle Vernon would ask whether they were insane also*

Gollum: I'm not insane.

Vernon: I wasn't talking to you, Gollum!

Gollum: Kill him Harry, he stole the precious!

Harry: *kills his uncle* DIE ASSHOLE DIE!

Mr Weasley: Hello *behind the blocked up fire* Where am I? This isn't my house

Harry: go home, don't bother me!

Fred: We've been here three #*$^ing hours, when are we gunna jump out at Harry and yell "booga booga booga"? 

George: No speak english!

Ron: Have you guys been here all this time, mums mad that you won't sign the divorce papers?

Harry: the fireplace has been boarded up

Mr Weasley: Why would you wanna board up the fireplace

George: No speak english!

Harry: To keep Santa there!

Fred: so that's what this skeleton is!

George: No speak english!

Mr Weasley: well there's no other way!

*the fireplace gets unborded, to reveal the Weasley's, a schnoodle, a skeleton and Victor Krum)

Harry: *picks up broom* shoo, go away! *shoves Victor Krum out side*

(a/n whatever the schnoodle says it says in schnoodle tongue)

Schnoodle: You pet me, I'll rip that arm right off!

Mr Weasley: It's so cute *pats schnoodle on his head*

Schnoodle: *bites off Mr Weasley's hand* I told you *starts trying to steal his left shoe as he screams in pain*

Fred: I'll get the trunk *goes off*

Gollum: Don't hurt the precious! No, not the precious.

George: *starts talking in Spanish* No speak english!

Mr Weasley: *has killed the schnoodle and sewn his hand back on* Lets go *puts da foo powder in the fireplace and shit*

Fred: *runs in carring trunk* we have to go! NOW! *runs into the fire*

Ron: Why?

Steve Erwin: *runs in with the camera crew* crickey!

Harry: wholy shit! 

*they all run into the fire, except Steve*


End file.
